shajandr
1 día hace
DAVE:
Thursday supper at Beaumont-Medium:
Cream of potato soup
Chef salad or tofu chef salad
Beets (cold)
Dressing: ranch, ranch, or ranch
Hole-wheat bread (2 thin slices of a Wonder Bread-like air loaf with brown food coloring)
Beverage (artificially-flavored fruit punch with vitamin C)
You'll be able to beat your Taft weight loss record of 819 pounds as you will have a much longer period to enjoy BOP food, and this time with~OUTT the generous commissary munny you had at Taft, you brokeass moron. Lease-A won't be splitting her Denny's tips with your commissary account.
Prison phone time costs munny
BBQ "pork" and the infamous "hamburger bun" - looks delish
Sanjay will serve as your best option; it won't work of course buttit'll keep your mind bizzy (when your nott working on those imaginary patent applications or landscaping in the hot, humid (holy hell humid!) southeast Texass sun)
While you'll have free lodging, food, clothing, medical/dental/optical, Lease-A will have to work - tuff life, butt who cares
All the NP-1s at Best Buy are sold~OUTT - all 60,000 of them - good yobb, DAVE
DAVE: You know you want to!
shajandr
3 días hace
DAVE:
Tonight's menu at Beaumont-Medium is:
Swedish meatballs or black bean burger
Egg noodles (however, due to the cost of eggs regular spaghetti pasta may be substituted)
Green beans
Garden salad (choice of dressing: vinegar/oil, ranch, ranch)
Whole wheat bread (basically Wonder Bread with brown food coloring)
Orange-flavoured drink with vitamin C
No margarine pat, so the semi-stale bread may need to be dunked in your orange drink to make it swallowable
It's just another day at the Foley Retirement Villa at Beaumont. The days, months, and years will just fly by, DAVE. And then you'll be dead. You'll see. Once that door at Receiving slams shut, time will race by as the Drain approaches with increasing speed.
DAVE, the most profitable use of your remaining (and dwindling) pre-reincarceration period is to study upp on dominoes game theory and read some chess books.
There is no pinball in DaHole.
Remember how CasinoKat burned up at The Bigg Show?? - LOLOL!
shajandr
4 días hace
DAVE:
It's great when you're pushing 60 in several months and facing a long prison sentence beginning this year and are brokeass. You need nott give a ripp about the stock or bond markets. Your retirement is completely unaffected by them. Uncle Scam will be taking care of you in your remaining Golden Years. Although best of all is the free food, second best of all is the top-tier medical and dental care you will receive - free.
When your prison-issue socks wear thin and develop holes, no need to buy new ones, just hand them in for free replacements. Can't do that at a retirement village in the free world. Every possible need you have will be met thanks to Unkle Scammy (did I mention the free top-tier medical and dental?).
Plus, unlike nursing homes and retirement villages, you will be mixing with young people on a daily basis. And there will be plenny of time to play dominoes, cards, chess, and the like. Lotsa leisure time. Butt the toilets and showers don't clean themselves, so you will always have tasks to keep you busy and give you a sense of purpose and pride. Maintaining meaning in your life is an essential component of a good retirement. When you become physically unable to do these tasks, you still have the ability to work on those imaginary patent applications that you claimed to have been working on during your first stay at the Bureau of Prisons extended-stay suites. Mebbe a new design patent for a computer enclosure. Best of all, imaginary patent applications do nott require paper, typewriter ribbons, pens, or mailing envelopes - you can do it all - soup to nutts - in your head - with no filing fees! And you have experience doing that already from your last stay.
It's gonna be quite/quit/quiet a ride into DaSunset for you, DAVE. Lease-A notsomuch. Working night shifts as a server at Dennys is nott the retirement she was hoping for. Butt what do you care? You did your best to try and gett her and Jeffy their own reservations at the Bureau of Prisons, butt that din't work ~OUTT for them, so they will hafta work and work to survive. Besides, once the prison door shuts behind you at Receiving, they are basically ~OUTT of your life and you can ignore their personal plights.
You've really executed on a great life plan, DAVE. Enjoy it!
BTW, the menu tonight at Beaumont-Medium is:
BBQ pork or BBQ tofu
pinto beans
cole slaw
baked sweet potato
margarine
hamburger bun
beverage (non-alcoholic grape drink with vitamin C)
And the pork tonight is only four months past its expiration date - the BOP gott a great deal on it from the Army because once meat is three months past the expiry date, the Army will no longer feed it to their basic training recruits and it must dispose of it - which is where the BOP comes in and takes it for a tiny fraction of its original purchase price. Butt the BOP has plenny of experience and knows that it can cover up the off taste of old meat with enough BBQ sauce.
Further, you won't have to worry about paying the mechanic for repair and storage of the Maserati. And no need for home maintenance or auto/home insurance.
Just a wonderful retirement free-ridin' into DaSunset on Unkle Scam's BOP plantation.
shajandr
1 semana hace
DAVE is keistering the NP-1s to sneak them into DaHole (so to speak) and trade them to other inmates for packets of mackerel, ramen noodles, and KitKat bars.
They are all dead now. DAVE will be too - soon enough - while in prison serving a sentence of many, many years. Unless he guts-upp and runs across DaBorder first.
Ultraflix help line.
"And I'll have Rogue One uploaded to UF by this weekend."
"UF also has some great pre-game 49ers pep rally videos from 2014."
Lease-A 18 months after Foley goes in DaHole and 2 months after Denny's lays her off - again
DAVE, here is your forecast release date as calculated by the BOP
His mom lost all her retirement savings by investing it in NTEK and NTGL
I posted these on this board in 2018, DAVE. It was soooo obvious - like you.
shajandr
1 semana hace
Dave:
I have reviewed matters pertaining to your most recent criminal felony convictions in the United States District Court for the Northern District of Illinois.
Based on my analysis of these matters, I conclude that things are looking badd for you, very badd indeed. You are in a badd spot. You should expect to spend many, many years in Federal prison; a period which is anticipated to exceed your expected remaining lifespan.
It is generally understood in the art of criminal fraud and incarceration in the United States Bureau of Prisons system that time spent in prison is unenjoyable. In view of this, the remainder of your life is gonna suck once the prison door slams shut behind you in Receiving & Discharging (you will only experience the receiving part) and you're in DaHole for good. For the full pull. For the duration. Until your Das Ende day.
Therefore, their is only one possible option for you to pursue prior to the prison door clanging shut behind you. That option is as follows:
"Look at that fat bastard run!"
"You can see 13141-111 so much more clearly on this 4K streaming monitor."
shajandr
2 meses hace
Dave:
You should complain. They omitted your NP-1 MadCatz MoJo lies, the Google supertweet, the Best Buy sales training bull, and so many other great clips from your so-kalt life. You should definitely get a few minutes in this. Maybe a whole episode just about you; because, after all, it is all about you (in your own opinion). Hay, lemme free upp some of your oh-so-valuable time; don't waste your dwindling pre-incarceration/retirement time watching The After Prison Show, as there is nothing that will be applicable to you since you need nott plan for any after-prison time. Think of DaHole as a Roach Motel or the Hotel California; you can Czech~OUTT butt you can never leave. There is still time to run, Coyote. Butt DaTime, she be running ~OUTT onya.
(EDIT for Zorax: DaJudge will grant the USA's motion and Coyote will ultimately loose on his retrial motion just as he has lost on most every other legal (and illegal) ploy he has tried. Just like his iHub subpoena, among many others. He is going to DaHole. The PSIR will nott be favorable to Coyote, and that is an understatement.)
shajandr
2 meses hace
NTEK traded a total of 160 shares today at the opening price of $0.000001 - that's right, five zeros to the right of the decimal and then a lonely one. Total $ Volume = $0.00016 - 16 thousandths of a cent.
How is that even possible to log into the accounting record? Who's account gott debited 16 thousandths of a cent and who's account received a deposit of 16 thousandths of a penny? Even if it's just a trade between MMs to keep the ticker alive, how is the transaction recorded in each of the two parties to the trade?
Mebbe when Inmate 13141-111 is back in DaHole working on those same patent applications he claimed to be working on during his prior stay in DaPen and which were never filed, he can figger~OUTT some scam whereby he can skim those deep subpenny trade proceeds a la Office Space and mebbe nobuddy will notice this time.
Or he might just be washing dishtrays and prison laundry again.
It's 2025 and time for Lease-A to start interviewing for waitressing yobbs at Dennys, because this time next year 13141-111 will be in DaHole where he will remain unable to file for or collect Social Security even when he turns 62. Sumbuddy (nott Goodbuddy) will have to put munny in his commissary account and pay for phone calls and emails. Dishtray warshing don't pay very well. Dave may pick up a few packs of mackerel from other inmates in exchange for doing their personal laundry or other "favors", butt mackerel don't pay DaBills.
At this point, his only real option is to flee the country and live his remaining days as a fugitive ex-pat under a fake identity and doing work for cash. I recommend Iran. There are decent IT gigs available in Tehran and Esfahan. I can hook him uppp with the Eslampour brothers who run a heavy equipment company. Babak and Behzad can find something for him to do. Mebbe teach him to operate a crane.
shajandr
3 meses hace
2025: The Year David Enters His Retirement Village
No need for Social Security. Where Dave is going he getts three meals per day, free clothes, free lodging, free top-grade medical/dental/vision (LOLOL!), free TV (no Ultraflix pirate crap tho), free showers, free lieberry use (including a law lieberry to hepp him file innumerable, endless, pointless, failing appeals), and rec yard shuffleboard with his peers for at least one hour every day (rain, snow,or shine).
Dave's retirement is all set! Uncle Scam will even give him free cremation if Lease-A chooses (wisely) to nott claim his body when he croaks in DaHole. Just another coyote carcass in the ole coyote disposal.
This is Santa's gift to Meow and the many others scammed by Dave over the years, including all those whom he "borrowed"/stole munny from like The Earthly Remains of BRUCE L. BEAN (aka "Bruce Albini"), STEVEN KLENK, SANTOKH MEHAN, BEN GEORGIADES, ADAM CURRY, and all the lawyers he stiffed.
2025 brings Good Riddance to Badd Rubbish for DAVID DaFOLEYFELON-COYOTE - as he enters the one-way (for him) gray-barred door to DaHole.
Now that is one clean dishtray. DAVE did manage to learn one useful skill at Taft.
After being convicted for scamming from DaHole, DAVE's gonna be designated to a unit where his communications with civilians will be limited and tightly monitored visits. Plus Brokeass Lease-A won't be traveling to Texas much as her Denny's waitressing yobb only has two weeks of vacation per year and the bus ride to Texas from Cali takes days.
Worry nott, DAVE, your fellow inmates will be enthralled to hear about your used Maserati for which you couldn't pay the repair bill and the mechanic hadd to sue you for $7500 in court
CONgrats, you've finally made it, DAVE!
Masked Avenger
3 meses hace
Hope Fat Ass enjoyed his last Thanksgiving meal with his family. That said, I am sure he takes comfort in knowing what he will eat on Thanksgiving while in prison for the next 25 years....
Sean "Diddy" Combs may be spending this Thanksgiving behind bars at a notorious Brooklyn jail, but at least he won't miss out on turkey.
A menu obtained by Business Insider through the Federal Bureau of Prisons shows that a turkey roast, a non-meat option of hot and sour tofu, mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables, cranberry sauce, gravy, dinner rolls, and assorted holiday pie will be served for lunch on Thursday at the Metropolitan Detention Center.
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Zorax
22 horas hace
Anvil
1 semana hace
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